There’s an idea that when your child gets to a certain age, their day needs filling up with activities.

I know of parents who are up at the crack of dawn for swimming, then ferry their child at break neck speed after school to ballet or dance club, music lessons, cricket or football. Then, of course, there’s Rainbows and Beavers and Cubs, not to mention birthday parties at the weekends and playdates, and, if you are a working parent (and let’s face it, most of us are) then you may need to make use of breakfast or after school club too.

I don’t know about you, but on a Friday night, after a hectic week of work and school runs, the one thing I really like to do is sit down with a glass of wine in front of the telly and zone out. Then on a Saturday morning I like a lie-in (beyond 7am is a lie-in) and a slow morning of pottering around and coffee consumption. This is what works for me – it allows me to reset, recharge and clear my head.

Think about your child. Does he or she have the space and the time to just chill out, relax and potter about doing what they fancy? Or have you filled their schedules up too much?
And how much is too much anyway?

The signs that a child’s routine is too full-on is likely to show up in a couple of ways; either they will be falling asleep over their bowl of cereal in the morning or be completely wired and unable to settle down at night – usually because of over stimulation.

If you notice this pattern of behaviour in your child, then it may be time to take the foot off the pedal a little, and make some space in their schedule.

Instead of filling up their free time, trim it down to one or two extra activities a week. Obviously this will depend on the age of your child, but school starters, for example, are dealing with enough in terms of a new environment, rules and timetables to really take on much more outside of this.
The urge to fill schedules is strong, because it has sort of become synonymous with the idea of what makes a good parent – if your child has access to never-ending enrichment, it shows how dedicated you are to their life experience and personal stimulation, and if your child apparently enjoys it, then that feels rewarding too, right?

But, your child does not have to participate in everything, and to do so can be detrimental to their wellbeing – it can cause future anxiety and depression and can affect their ability to effectively solve problems and make good decisions. Over-scheduled children tend not to eat well, because it’s done on the fly, and if they don’t get any time with their parents or siblings, family bonding is decreased. Likewise they don’t get time to decompress and relax…and just ‘be’ (like me on the sofa with my wine on a Friday).

Instead of clubs and activities, try embracing the idea of having a gap in the schedule. If you can, try to make it a gap in your own schedule too. Don’t feel the pressure to fill that gap, but rather be led by your child and their needs.
Maybe you’ll take a walk together.

Maybe you could bake together.
Maybe they’d just like to sit on the sofa with a few books, either alone or with you.

If you want to spend time with your child during this ‘downtime’, then parallel activities are fantastic. By parallel activities, I mean doing something like each taking a colouring-in sheet and working on your own design, but side by side. You’re not collaborating together as you might be when you’re building lego or playing with playdoh, but you’re inhabiting the same space, engaging in the same thing, but not imposing your will on one another. I find this levelling type of activity really helps to open up conversation, and is usually when my daughter shares information about her day, her concerns or troubles. It flows so much more easily when there’s no expecation.

OK, so what about older children? Engage them in preparing a meal, sit down together and watch a movie or TV programme, play a board game, go for a walk together, go to a café for a snack together and, even though downtime shouldn’t really involve tablets and games consoles (that’s a whole other ball game), why not game together – the worst that can happen is that they’ll beat you. And if none of those ideas appeals, then let them be unscheduled; allow them to have nothing to do.

The important thing is this: to make space, to promote relaxation, to enable downtime, perhaps to have a bit of fun…and, well, if you can bond at the same time, so much the better.

You’ll find that over time, attitudes will improve, your relationship with your child will improve, they’ll sleep better, eat better, and their morning cereal won’t end up in their hair!