The Key to Change is to Let Go of Fear
This one resonates with me so much. I’ll be honest – I’m a bit of a control freak, which serves me well sometimes (super organised about sorting out holidays and packing and things that require organisation) and other times not so much. Sometimes I find it really really hard to let go of my fear of perceived consequences. And what does letting go actually mean? Relinquishing control? Or maybe recognising you don’t actually have control, so go with it anyway?
A couple of things have happened this week have required me to let go of fear in order to make a change – some not related to parenting, but others most definitely. Ms P has been getting up after bedtime – a totally new thing, and school related I am pretty sure – and this is something I want to change. I want her to go to bed, get quality sleep, be able to get up in the morning and so on. There’s a bazillion reasons why she needs to go to bed and stay in bed. But in order to change that behaviour, I need to let go of my fears that she isn’t going to get any sleep. No amount of fear that I feel about the consequences is going to get her to bed and sleep any quicker is it?
So I let go of the fears associated with not going to bed, and you know what, offering the cuddle instead of a stern word, filling her water bottle, reading a quiet book and singing the required lullaby instead of saying ‘It’s gone 8 o’clock, get into bed right NOW’ actually got her settled sooner. Her underlying emotion is fear and anxiety for a variety of reasons (mostly to do with school, new routines and separation) and it’s my job to listen to that, not to stomp all over it because it’s time to sleep and because I’m fearful of what will happen if there’s a ten minute delay in getting to that point.
